Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
