those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
