just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
