Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
