just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
