I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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