he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
