her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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