I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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