A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
