that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize