I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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