I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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