Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
