I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
