Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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