Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
