I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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