i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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