is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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