All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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