Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
did i just pee glitter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
