my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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