so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
