i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
