Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
