Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
