If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
