What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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