my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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