Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
