I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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