I'm jealous of your bromance
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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