dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
