I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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