you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
