U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
