you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
