the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
