Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize