Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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