I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
