it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
