when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
