I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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