he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
