The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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