I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
