Jerry, you need to find god
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
