Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
