dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
