I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
