my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
