Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
this is an emotional support booty call
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
