Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
