I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
