I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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