i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
