and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize