just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
