Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
