end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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