Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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