She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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