THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
