Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
