I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
