i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
