we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So squirting runs in the family.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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