Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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