Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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