This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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