He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
