I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
