I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
