TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
