I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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