dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
