i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
