I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
