I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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