i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
