I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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