I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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